Random thoughts of a stay-at-home mom

Ok, so all the the blogs up to now were written 4 years ago when I was married. Man, I sure was angry... and I didn't even know it. Now we've moved on to a new chapter. The divorce in 2007 was a new chapter, and one that was tough to get through. Then we made it to an easier chapter in 2008 where things basically flowed. Now 2010, and another new chapter. We've started life anew in Birmingham, Alabama. We're with family. I'm hoping that this blog can become completely different. Much less anger, lots more happiness, and tons of love. That's what we're striving for in the new chapter we're writing...

I hate my husband's ex-wife. I mean I REALLY hate her. On the 23rd of June, she picked Morgan up (only Morgan, not Shaunne) and took her on vacation. They flew to Florida, got on a 3-day cruise to the Bahamas, went back to Florida, then spent a week at Disney. Now normally, something like this wouldn't piss me off, but this trip pissed me off because the ONLY reasons she took this trip was because #1, Shaunne (who is 16) got to take a cruise for Spring Break, therefore Morgan (who is 10) should have been able to do the same, and #2, Todd & I took all of the kids (except Shaunne) to Disney for Spring Break. So basically, it was like a "screw you" to us all... she got to one-up us on everything. While on this vacation, Morgan was given a $25 a day allowance to simply blow on whatever she wanted (something that is completely out of the question when you've got 5 kids), she was allowed to eat whatever and whenever she wanted - when she got home, she looked like she was 6 months pregnant! I swear she gained 15 to 20 lbs in the 17 days that she was gone. She was allowed to blow $85 on braids for her hair! Yes, you read that right, EIGHTY-FIVE DOLLARS! On BRAIDS! Nevermind that she let the child walk around dressed like a hootchy the whole week (chubby little 10 year olds don't need to walk around in bikini tops with their gym shorts rolled down 12 times!) She also had Morgan call and ask her father (before coming home) if she could bring her cell phone home. Now, we have been over and over this issue of a cell phone. Please, all of you parents who have bought your child (under the age of 14 or 15) a cell phone, listen to my words: CHILDREN DO NOT NEED CELL PHONES! THEY GO NOWHERE WITHOUT A PARENT WITH THEM! (and if they do go places without a parent, then you should have your head examined). Anyway, so this is the SECOND cell phone that the stupid ex has gotten for Morgan - Morgan LOST the other one. About 3 months ago, she tried to give it to Morg after a softball game, and I said no (and was then blasted and told what a bitch I am). Todd & I agree on the fact that Morgan should not have a cell phone. Morgan goes nowhere without a parent with her - it might not be HER parent, but she always has someone's parent with her. She is 10 for goodness sakes! Anyway, so Morgan calls her father while he is busy, and he says "yeah, whatever." to the cell phone issue. Then, when Morgan came home, I had to be the bitch and take it away from her. So, this will be an issue again, I'm sure. Never-fucking-mind that we're trying to teach this kid some RESPONSIBILITY! I mean, hell, why take care of your shit? Mom will just get you another one next week.

Now, before Morgan left, Todd & I had a HUGE fight. I mean huge (even though it was over something SO INCREDIBLY STUPID!). Of course, Morgan told her mother all about the fight, about the police coming to the house, about going to Grandma's to spend the night, about me calling divorce attorneys the next day, all of it. Which really, is fine. We've told Morgan over and over that there's nothing that happens in this house that she has to keep secret (her mother does that to her enough... she's always supposed to keep what happens at "mommy's house" a secret). But what pissed me off about it is this: Morgan was gone from this house for 17 days. We never called her once in those 17 days. She called us a few times (or called her Daddy), but we never called her once. We hold the opinion that those days are her mother's time, and we don't interfere in them. BUT, since coming home on Monday, Morgan has had a bit of trouble getting back into the 'routine' around here. She forgot that there are rules here. Needless to say, she's been in trouble a couple of times... nothing major, mind you, but trouble nonetheless. Monday or Tuesday night (I can't remember which), both Morgan and the boys got in trouble because Dad made a surprise room inspection. All 3 of them were sent upstairs to clean their rooms, then after dinner and baths, they had to stay in their rooms and not watch tv. Morgan was not very happy about this and at one point asked if she could call her mother. Of course, we let her call. I tried to record the call, but for some reason, the recorder didn't pick up that time, and I can just imagine what was said. Then yesterday, the bitch called here early. Morgan wasn't here, so I didn't answer. When Morg got home, I told her that her mom called (which was the RIGHT thing to do, but not what I wanted to do). Morgan tried to call her back (of course, I had then set the recorder to make sure that it worked), left her a message, then went about her business. About an hour later, Morgan tried to call her again, and again left a message. 30 minutes later, the bitch called back (and we knew it was her because I've set the phones to ring "Old MacDonald Had a Farm" when she calls from any of her numbers - hey, it's not MY fault that she looks like a pig!), so Morgan answered it. It was a short, but sweet conversation, and about 10 minutes later, the bitch called back again, this time to talk to Shaunne. Later, I went in to listen to the recording. I swear, that woman is psycho! She kept asking Morgan over and over, "what's wrong? Why did you call so many times?

Morgan said, "you called me first. I was just calling you back."

She said, "ok. Are you sure you're ok? You sound like you've been crying."

Morgan said, "no mommy, I'm fine."

She asked what Morgan had done that day, and they made some small talk. Then she said, "are you sure you're ok? No one's fighting?"

Ahhh, so now I understand. Morgan told her about our blowup, so now, she's going to use it. They get off the phone, and when she calls back to talk to Shaunne, she asks over and over if Morgan is ok. Tells Shaunne that she doesn't want Morgan around "any fighting," and that if anything happens, Shaunne is to call her and let her know (yeah, like THAT would ever happen).

Ok. So nevermind, that her on-again, off-again boyfriend (the one she CLAIMED to be engaged to in our custody hearing over 2 years ago), is on-again, and Morgan hates him. Morgan told me just the other day that Mommy is going to marry Barry, but she doesn't understand why, because they fight ALL THE TIME - even more than [me] & daddy (gotta' love a kid's honesty).
The bitch's lease is up on her house next month (she lives in a county about 30 to 40 minutes away), and she's been looking at houses in our county (oh joy). She can't find one that she can afford, that will let her have animals, so her answer is to marry this asshole (who she can't stand), because his house (read: trailer) on Nowhere Rd. is paid for. After a few months of being married, she is planning to make him sell his trailer and get her a house in this county. Even Morgan admits that that's mean.

So, I'm expecting another call from her today. It's so hard to bite my tongue and say nothing to her. I know that she's planning to take us back to court. I don't think she'd win, but she's planning it nonetheless. The mere thought of spending another year in court makes me want to vomit, but she told me 4 years ago that she would spend the rest of her life trying to make mine hell. She is accomplishing that. I just hate that she's using her own daughter to do it.

So I haven't posted since February. I've tried a couple of times, but with the way that life goes around here, I can't seem to get myself together.

I've been a bit of a crazy chick the past few months. The pills that the dr. has me on is making me a complete lunatic. I kinda' got to feel sorry for my husband and kids. Mama's nuts.

Spring Break came and went and I needed a vacation to get over it. We took the 4 youngest kids to Disney for the week and did a different theme park each day. We saw Sea World. We saw Universal (both of them). We saw the Magic Kingdom. We saw a couple of water parks (you know... the ones with the slides and wave pools and stuff). I was exhausted and broke when we got home!

Then we had Spring Fling at the school. Man, those damn fund raisers are a lot of work! I don't know why I just can't seem to say no when it comes to committees. I do love it though! When your day to day life is cleaning the house, well there's just no feeling of accomplishment there... you clean and clean today, and guess what... tomorrow you get to do it all over again! Not to mention following an almost 2 year old around. Hell for 30 minutes this morning, she ran around trashing stuff, with me 2 steps behind picking it up and putting it back.

We're still trying to survive baseball season. Next year when I tell any of you that I am going to let 3 of my kids play, remind me of this statement: "I will NEVER let all 3 of the middle kids play a sport at the same time!" I am losing it! With them all in a different league, we end up playing almost every night of the week (except for Sunday and Wednesday for the church-goin' folks!), and at a different field. I really like the nights that we have 2 games, at 2 different fields, at the same time! Then throw in the oldest one and her extracurricular shit, and I am the proverbial "soccer mom," living in the van.

Last weekend was prom. Prom is fine. I had fun at prom when I was in highschool. But this school takes everything to the extreme. They have to have "After Prom." A big party for the kids to go to at the school from 11pm to 6am. Now call me crazy, but 6am is way to late for a 15 year old girl to stay out... even if she's going to be "chaperoned" by adults. The parents who do this stupid thing say it's so the kids have somewhere "safe" to go after prom... how about home? I went HOME after the prom. I never even imagined trying to stay out until 6am, chaperoned or not. Now granted, my oldest is only a sophomore (her boyfriend is a junior), and next year, I'll probably be one of the stupid-ass "chaperones" staying up until 6am, but I still think it's stupid as hell.

Now I've got PTO officer elections. And yes, I have been nominated to serve on the board next year. When you've got 3 kids in the same school, they tend to want you to do stuff. And stupid me hardly ever says no.

Oh well. I guess that my life will have to wait until my kids are gone... right now, they dominate the show.

I haven't lost my mind, I swear. We're not doing the crazy-New Orleans-booby flashing-Mardi Gras. We're doing the not so crazy-Mobile-keep your shirt on-Mardi Gras. My family lives in Mobile and I lived there until I was 32 years old. I was involved, and went to parades for the first 32 years of my life... then I moved to Georgia. The first 2 years I was here, the girls didn't live with us, and Jake was only in kindergarten (so it didn't matter if he missed school) and Mark was in preschool, so we went down for Mardi Gras. I now haven't been in 2 years, though, and I'm starting to really miss it! This year the kids have an extra day off school on Friday (for "teacher sick of school day", as I call it), and we're packing up and heading down to at least get 3 days worth of Mardi Gras, which is way better than nothing!

Now, as I'm sure that none of you know, Mardi Gras BEGAN in Mobile. If you don't believe me, go here and check it out. Mobilians just don't get as much publicity as New Orleans because they keep their shirts on (or go to jail). My grandfather, uncles, cousins, mom, & grandmother were all members of different parading organizations. I remember as a little girl not being able to wait until I grew up and get to go to the balls. I loved the formal dresses, and let's face it, there's not a man alive that doesn't look good in tails. My grandparents have passed away, but my Uncles and cousins are still members and so is my mom. One of my uncles will ride on Saturday night!

The girls have never been to Mardi Gras, so I am really looking forward to thier reactions to things. I hope it stays clear and on the warmer side, as being downtown in the rain and cold can be miserable! If you're a true Mobilian, you understand - you will stand in the rain and the cold to see some drunks go by on a float while they throw things at you. If you are not a true Mobilian - like my husband - then you bitch and moan the entire time as you huddle in any warm, dry spot you can find. I can't wait!

Ok, so I'm off to finish packing the car....

Don't ever use DHL to ship your packages. Period. They suck, they suck, they suck.

Last year, my mother sent a package to the kids for Valentine's Day. She sent it (overnight) on February 6. We received it March 13. And that was after daily calls from both me and my mother to the DHL hotline. I think that they just got so tired of hearing from us that they went out and bought what was in the box and sent it to me (they knew what was sent because my mother & I both had to describe it over and over again so that the box and its contents could be "found").

After that fiasco, my mother sent the kids a package every couple of months... and yes, she always used DHL. It's not that my mom is a glutton for punishment, it's just that her company uses DHL, so she's kind of just used to the packages getting lost. Not one time in the past year has one of the packages gotten to me on time (except for last month when Mom broke down and sent the package using FedEx, but shipping it cost more than what was in the box!).

OK, so fast forward to this Valentine's Day. Once again, the package was sent overnight delivery to be delivered on the morning of Tuesday, February 14. At 8:30 am, Mother calls me and tells me that the package is on its way. I, at that very moment, go sit down at my computer, type a letter in HUGE letters that states, "DHL Driver: Please leave any packages on the porch if no one answers the door." I then signed my name with a blue sharpie (I used blue so that the driver would know that it was an original signature, not a copy), and taped the letter to my front door, at eye level. At 9am, I got into the shower. At 9:20 am, I was in my kitchen loading the dishwasher - no package. I then got dressed. At 12 noon, I left my house - no package. The note was still securely taped to the front door. At 2:45 pm, I returned home. Still no box. I tracked the package online, and the online package tracker stated that the driver had tried to deliver my package at 10 am. I called the DHL hotline and explained the situation. "Maya" said that she would contact the local station and have the driver return to my house with the package. I then called the local station in Bogart. Again I was told that the driver would return to my house with the package that night. Fast forward to 8pm. Still no package. The next morning, I call the local Bogart station again and speak to "Mike." "Mike" tells me that they have no outgoing scan on this package and he has no idea where it is. I have absolutely no idea how this group of men can have the package on Tuesday, but on Wednesday, they have no idea where it is... and I tell "Mike" that... very loudly. Again I call the DHL hotline. I file a formal complaint against the Bogart Station. "Sylvia" tells me that I can file a "lost package" claim, and she is going to send me some "DHL Dollars" (yeah, like I'd ever send a package through DHL). I tell her not to bother. Another call to "Mike" at the Bogart station. He still has no idea what has happened to my package.
This morning, I left the house around 7:30 am, and returned around 8:30 am. Low and behold, what was on the porch? A GIGANTIC box... I have no clue how it got there, but it was there. The local station didn't even know how it got there.

I really do not know how DHL stays in business. And I REALLY don't know how their drivers stay employed. We've had the same driver on this route for more than a year.... every single time he tries to deliver my package to my neighbor's house. See, there are only 3 streets in my entire neighborhood - 2 of them have the same name, except that one is a DRIVE and the other is a COURT. I live on the COURT one. There is a 1081 on the drive one, just like on the court one. 1081 Drive gets my packages every single time. How can this guy be so stupid? Why does my name not instantly register on his radar? This is a monthly stop! And monthly, he gets bitched out about delivering to Drive instead of Court! What the hell? Is he a retard? A couple of months ago he "delivered" my package and when I called to complain that I hadn't received it, he drove back to my house, took all of the packages out of his van, looked at me and said, "I don't have your package. I already delivered it." Hmmm.... I was the only one who'd been home all day. Nope, I hadn't seen him at all that morning. He had no explanation for that. When I asked him if he had actually "delivered" the package to this house (and I pointed to my house), he said, "I can't remember." What the f......?!?!

I've never been so dissatisfied with a service that I felt prompted to rant about it in my blog, but I just can't take the stupidity of DHL any longer.

Got nothing important to say today.

My husband is still getting on my nerves, this time about taxes (why the hell do we have to do this shit every year?).

Jake's in trouble for trying to go to school without brushing his teeth (how can he be my kid and be so disgusting?).

Morgan's in trouble for coming down 6 times last night and telling me that she "can't sleep" (what the hell does she want me to do? Drug her?).

Shaunne is PMSing, as usual (and there ain't enough MIDOL on the planet to get her over it) plus, she's just 15 and has that wonderful teenage attitude that the whole world sucks and is out to get her... her dad is stupid, I am stupid, everyone is stupid except for her and her friends (nevermind that the lot of them share one freakin brain...). Hell, she even gave her little sister hell last night at dinner for "being judgemental" and "stereotyping" people (Shaunne would qualify as one of the "freaks" and her little sister is one of the popular "cheerleader" types).

Mark? Well, let's just suffice it to say that he's 6 (and is working on perfecting his "obnoxious" skills to one day use on his wife).

And Emily, bless her heart, hasn't gotten on my nerves yet today because she's still sleeping (but hey, it IS only 8am... give her time).

What the hell was I thinking having so many kids? Why didn't I stop at 1? I love them dearly, but DAMN! Sometimes Mom just needs a break! Not to mention that I'm on day 10 of the "hormone from hell" regiment. Two more days to go before I can start relaxing... right now, I am so wound up that if you startled me, I'd probably explode...

OK, so now I get to spend the day with my mother-in-law. We're having a yard sale tomorrow (oh joy!)! Oh, and of course, it has been absolutely B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L every day this week, but tomorrow morning they are calling for rain/snow showers. YAY! At least I am going to get rid of the mountain of crap that has been accumulating in my garage. Hey, maybe I can just hold it in the garage and clear ALL of that crap out... including the golf clubs and boat! Nah, don't think that would go over well....

OK, so apparently I was smoking crack the day that I told my 9-year-old son that he could have a "camp-out" party for his birthday (with a tent, spend the night guests and everything!). Mixing 9 year old boys with a bonfire, army attire, and woods in the backyard is never a good idea.

The day started harmlessly enough. We limited the number of boys he could invite, so there was only Cameron & Harrison ( the boys who live next door), Hudson & Jack (from Jake's class), and Jake & Mark (my boys). Evan, another boy who lives down the street was invited too, but he was grounded (for calling someone an "ass" on the playground at school - that seems to be going around these days). I really thought that I could keep control of 6 boys - 2 of them being mine.

The boys showed up at 4pm, I painted their faces with camouflage, gave them their dog tags & helmets, and sent them outside. At about 4:30, we played a few games and had a scavenger hunt. After that, I let them just "play." We have a tree house in the woods, and they set that up as their headquarters. All was going fine until 2 of them decided that they couldn't open my gate, and kicked it down. I must add that this is the same gate that my husband just put back up after it fell off the hinges. Needless to say, I wasn't really happy with this group of boys at this point. By 6:30, they were "starving," so we started the fire.

Now, we DO have one of those outside fireplace things, so we set the fire in that (I didn't just set a fire in my backyard - give me some credit). I got the hot dogs and skewers and let them roast their dinner. Jack, a vegetarian, had to roast his "mushroom burger" by cutting it in half and putting each half on the skewer. The rest of them roasted their hotdogs. Dinner went off without a hitch.

We had cake, and did s'mores, which also went fine.

At 9:30 pm, my husband sent them to the tent with their sleeping bags and told them that it was time for some "shut-eye." He was planning to leave me with this bunch and go fishing with his buddy all night. Nice, huh? But I guess the sleep over WAS my idea.

By 10:30, they were all inside asking me to restart the fire because they were cold. Now, me being the mom that I am, really didn't want them to sleep outside. We have a pool in the back yard, and I was a nervous wreck (especially after spending a few hours with this crew) that one of them would get out of the tent in the middle of the night and fall in the pool. So, when they came in, I asked them to get their sleeping bags, come in, and we would watch a movie.

I had prepared myself beforehand that I would probably be up to at least 12:30 or 1:00. Maybe even 1:30.

During the first movie, Hudson, who had been chewing on his glow stick, managed to bust it wide open and spill glow shit all over my carpet. That stuff does not wipe up... it simply disappears after a while. I told him he was done with glow sticks and that I didn't want to see him with another one - something that apparently went unheard by his 9 year old ears.

After the first movie, I had lost Jake and Harrison... they had dozed off, so we started a second movie (thank goodness for charter on demand!) After that movie, Mark had dozed off, which left me with Cameron, Hudson & Jack still awake. It was 1:30 in the morning, and I was exhausted, so I flipped over to cartoons, and told them to please watch tv quietly, that I was going to bed.

At 2:00, I could hear Jacob yelling, "Stop it! Leave me alone!" So, I hauled my exhausted butt out of bed and came out to the living room and told the awake boys to leave the asleep boys alone. Back to bed.

At 2:45, more commotion. I get up for a second time. I tell the boys to please be quiet... that Jake's older sister was upstairs trying to sleep, and his baby sister was downstairs trying to sleep. They laid back down and settled back in. Back to bed.

At 3:15, more commotion. Again, out of bed. I explain that I am really getting tired of getting up, and that I "WILL NOT" get up again....

At 4:30, a lot of commotion. I get up again, this time furious... my furiousness increases ten-fold when I get to the living room and see that Hudson has busted 2 more glow sticks and my carpet looks like an alien was murdered in my living room and it's glowing blood is splattered everywhere!!!! I flip on the light and lose it! Normally I would not yell at children who do not live in my house, but at 4:30 in the morning with my living room glowing, I lost all reason... I yelled at them that this was it! I turned off the tv and dared them to get up again! I told them that if I had to get up again, I was calling their parents to come pick them up. Hudson (the little darling) then pointed out that it was 4:30 in the morning and his mom wouldn't appreciate me waking her up in the middle of the night. I bit my tongue (almost in half) glared at him and said (through clenched teeth), "go. to. sleep." Again, back to bed.

At 5:00, I heard a noise, but was just way too exhausted to get up and check it out.

At 7:00, the boys who had actually gone to sleep (and Jack, who I think did not sleep at all), were up. I got up and found a mess on my kitchen table. I asked Jake who had gotten into the graham crackers that morning. He had no idea. Jack says, "oh, Hudson got hungry, so he got something to eat." I then realized that the noise that I heard was Hudson getting into my pantry and the 'click' was him pulling on the baby lock. I start breakfast.

At 7:15, the masochist came out in me. I got everyone to gather up their things and woke Cameron and Hudson up. Not very nicely I might add. The little shits. If I didn't get to sleep, neither were they.

By 9:30 Hudson's mom was there - to take him to church! I wanted to ask her why? Were they going to perform and exorcism? But, I refrained. By 10:00, they were all gone (I had sent the neighbors home), and Jake & I sat down to have a very long talk about how he needed to be a little more careful when choosing his friends. I also let him know that Hudson would not, under any circumstances, be welcome back at our house.

Anyone who tells you that boys are easier than girls is crazy. Morgan had a sleepover in April with 15 girls... they weren't half the trouble these 6 boys were.