Monday, July 25, 2005
Well rounded kids?
Why do we do this crap to ourselves? Why is it that we feel the need to "keep up with the Joneses" so to speak? I have 5 kids, and they are way too involved. I know, I know, I am supposed to be raising "well rounded" kids, but you know what, my mother did not spend her life carting my ass all over the city to 5 or 6 different clubs or activities after school, and I turned out pretty damn good. I watch the other parents around here and most of them have 2 or 3 kids. Their kids are enrolled in EVERYTHING. I just don't feel the need. At the end of school last year, the big topic at the PTO meetings was "what camps are you sending your kids to this summer?" Camps? OK, let's put aside the fact that every one of them are so damned expensive, we'd have to take out a second mortgage to send our kids to them, but what the hell happened to summer? When I was a kid, we had 3 whole months of summer, and we spent that time playing with our friends in the neighborhood. We rode bikes, we played "Dukes of Hazzard," we went to the swim club that was in the neighborhood, we spent the night with each other and had camp outs, we had lemonade stands, we picnicked outside, we used our imaginations... We relaxed and enjoyed the summer. Now, summer has been shrunk down to 2 months, and kids are so overbooked and stressed out that it is completely ridiculous! My kids are the poor, underprivileged kids in the neighborhood. We stayed home. We have a pool in our backyard, and we swam in it. We had camp outs. We drove to the beach. We did a few of the "free" things at the library. We played in the yard. And my kids honestly think that they have missed out this summer! All of their friends got to go to the "cool" camps, and they just had to stay home. I simply don't get it.
School starts in a few weeks. Already, I've been bombarded with the "can I play..." questions. My oldest is going to be a sophomore this year, so we've let her "build her college application" by being involved. But there is such a thing as being TOO involved. Last year, she took dance 3 nights a week and was on the swim team. She kept her grades up to the A/B honor roll. We enjoyed her recitals and her swim meets (although they were very long). This year, she's decided that she wants to join the company team at the dance studio (the team who practices 5 nights a week and some weekends), she tried out for flag corps and made it (which means she's given up her last 2 weeks of summer to attend band camp, and every Friday night will be spent at a football game, not to mention the 3 times a week she will practice after school), she's planning to do the swim team thing again (which means practice every afternoon and giving up every Saturday completely to attend a swim meet), plus her classes will be much harder this year - she decided to do the advanced classes. That's too much for a 15 year old girl to take on. So me, being the mean, cruel, mom that I am, vetoed the company dance team. She will be allowed to take one dance class a week and that's it. Flag corps and swim team are in 2 different seasons, so they won't coincide with one another. And school work will always come first. Now, nevermind that her being involved in all of this crap means that I spend every waking moment in my freaking van with 4 other kids, picking up from practice, doing carpools, giving up my Friday nights to attend highschool football games and giving up my entire Saturdays to attend swim meets, but this shit is EXPENSIVE! Last year, swim team cost us $500 alone. Dance was $900. So far this year, flag corps has cost us another $500. The other kids can't do anything because she is so involved! We simply can't afford it. I know, we could tell her no, and we do to some of it. But we are trying to raise "well rounded" kids. What a bunch of crap!!!! I am so tired of the magazines, and self-help books telling us that our kids have to be so overbooked and involved! Shaunne, my oldest, pulls her eyelashes and eyebrows out because she gets so stressed. Morgan has an ulcer at 9. Jacob grinds his teeth so badly at night that he has to wear a mouth piece - and he's 8! And these are kids who I really try to control the stress for! I don't over book them! I try desperately not to stress them out! And they're stressed anyway!
Children nowadays seem to constantly need to be entertained. They have no imagination. I can remember being a kid, leaving the house as soon as it was daylight, and not coming home until the street lights came on. But, then again, all of my friends were doing the same thing. We had each other to lean on and to play with. We entertained each other. Because all of the other kids in the neighborhood are off doing whatever it is that their parents have enrolled them in, my kids need me to entertain them. They absolutely can not entertain each other. Morgan is 9, Jake is 8 and Mark is 6. There should be something that the 3 of them have in common, but there isn't. They would much rather go to a neighbor's house then to stay here with each other. Right now, as I write this, they are upstairs fighting with one another. It's not 10am yet. That's the rule at this house. No one goes anywhere before 10 am. But, as soon as the clock strikes 10, Morgan will go to Elizabeth's, Jake will go to Cameron's, and Mark will go to Mitch's. And at Elizabeth's, Morgan will be entertained by Elizabeth's mom - she will take them somewhere, will do something. At Cameron's, it is the same, Jake will be entertained. And at Mitch's, Mark is treated like a king! Mitch is an only child, and Mark is his "best friend." Don't get me wrong, I do my part. We do crafts some days. I swim with them in the pool. We read together. But, I don't let them turn on the T.V. I don't let them play the x-box or the play station. I make them "do" stuff.
I guess the point of my rambling this morning is that we are kidding ourselves if we think we are raising well rounded children by allowing them to be so involved. All we've managed to do is raise a bunch of self-absorbed, overstressed, brats who expect you to hand them the world. I want my kids to be able to work for what they get (and they do, sometimes). I want them to understand that if you get something, it's a priviledge, not a right. I want them to understand that they need to appreciate the things we do for them. I know they won't. Not until they are parents and are raising a bunch of ingrates themselves.
School starts in a few weeks. Already, I've been bombarded with the "can I play..." questions. My oldest is going to be a sophomore this year, so we've let her "build her college application" by being involved. But there is such a thing as being TOO involved. Last year, she took dance 3 nights a week and was on the swim team. She kept her grades up to the A/B honor roll. We enjoyed her recitals and her swim meets (although they were very long). This year, she's decided that she wants to join the company team at the dance studio (the team who practices 5 nights a week and some weekends), she tried out for flag corps and made it (which means she's given up her last 2 weeks of summer to attend band camp, and every Friday night will be spent at a football game, not to mention the 3 times a week she will practice after school), she's planning to do the swim team thing again (which means practice every afternoon and giving up every Saturday completely to attend a swim meet), plus her classes will be much harder this year - she decided to do the advanced classes. That's too much for a 15 year old girl to take on. So me, being the mean, cruel, mom that I am, vetoed the company dance team. She will be allowed to take one dance class a week and that's it. Flag corps and swim team are in 2 different seasons, so they won't coincide with one another. And school work will always come first. Now, nevermind that her being involved in all of this crap means that I spend every waking moment in my freaking van with 4 other kids, picking up from practice, doing carpools, giving up my Friday nights to attend highschool football games and giving up my entire Saturdays to attend swim meets, but this shit is EXPENSIVE! Last year, swim team cost us $500 alone. Dance was $900. So far this year, flag corps has cost us another $500. The other kids can't do anything because she is so involved! We simply can't afford it. I know, we could tell her no, and we do to some of it. But we are trying to raise "well rounded" kids. What a bunch of crap!!!! I am so tired of the magazines, and self-help books telling us that our kids have to be so overbooked and involved! Shaunne, my oldest, pulls her eyelashes and eyebrows out because she gets so stressed. Morgan has an ulcer at 9. Jacob grinds his teeth so badly at night that he has to wear a mouth piece - and he's 8! And these are kids who I really try to control the stress for! I don't over book them! I try desperately not to stress them out! And they're stressed anyway!
Children nowadays seem to constantly need to be entertained. They have no imagination. I can remember being a kid, leaving the house as soon as it was daylight, and not coming home until the street lights came on. But, then again, all of my friends were doing the same thing. We had each other to lean on and to play with. We entertained each other. Because all of the other kids in the neighborhood are off doing whatever it is that their parents have enrolled them in, my kids need me to entertain them. They absolutely can not entertain each other. Morgan is 9, Jake is 8 and Mark is 6. There should be something that the 3 of them have in common, but there isn't. They would much rather go to a neighbor's house then to stay here with each other. Right now, as I write this, they are upstairs fighting with one another. It's not 10am yet. That's the rule at this house. No one goes anywhere before 10 am. But, as soon as the clock strikes 10, Morgan will go to Elizabeth's, Jake will go to Cameron's, and Mark will go to Mitch's. And at Elizabeth's, Morgan will be entertained by Elizabeth's mom - she will take them somewhere, will do something. At Cameron's, it is the same, Jake will be entertained. And at Mitch's, Mark is treated like a king! Mitch is an only child, and Mark is his "best friend." Don't get me wrong, I do my part. We do crafts some days. I swim with them in the pool. We read together. But, I don't let them turn on the T.V. I don't let them play the x-box or the play station. I make them "do" stuff.
I guess the point of my rambling this morning is that we are kidding ourselves if we think we are raising well rounded children by allowing them to be so involved. All we've managed to do is raise a bunch of self-absorbed, overstressed, brats who expect you to hand them the world. I want my kids to be able to work for what they get (and they do, sometimes). I want them to understand that if you get something, it's a priviledge, not a right. I want them to understand that they need to appreciate the things we do for them. I know they won't. Not until they are parents and are raising a bunch of ingrates themselves.
