Monday, July 25, 2005
Well rounded kids?
Why do we do this crap to ourselves? Why is it that we feel the need to "keep up with the Joneses" so to speak? I have 5 kids, and they are way too involved. I know, I know, I am supposed to be raising "well rounded" kids, but you know what, my mother did not spend her life carting my ass all over the city to 5 or 6 different clubs or activities after school, and I turned out pretty damn good. I watch the other parents around here and most of them have 2 or 3 kids. Their kids are enrolled in EVERYTHING. I just don't feel the need. At the end of school last year, the big topic at the PTO meetings was "what camps are you sending your kids to this summer?" Camps? OK, let's put aside the fact that every one of them are so damned expensive, we'd have to take out a second mortgage to send our kids to them, but what the hell happened to summer? When I was a kid, we had 3 whole months of summer, and we spent that time playing with our friends in the neighborhood. We rode bikes, we played "Dukes of Hazzard," we went to the swim club that was in the neighborhood, we spent the night with each other and had camp outs, we had lemonade stands, we picnicked outside, we used our imaginations... We relaxed and enjoyed the summer. Now, summer has been shrunk down to 2 months, and kids are so overbooked and stressed out that it is completely ridiculous! My kids are the poor, underprivileged kids in the neighborhood. We stayed home. We have a pool in our backyard, and we swam in it. We had camp outs. We drove to the beach. We did a few of the "free" things at the library. We played in the yard. And my kids honestly think that they have missed out this summer! All of their friends got to go to the "cool" camps, and they just had to stay home. I simply don't get it.
School starts in a few weeks. Already, I've been bombarded with the "can I play..." questions. My oldest is going to be a sophomore this year, so we've let her "build her college application" by being involved. But there is such a thing as being TOO involved. Last year, she took dance 3 nights a week and was on the swim team. She kept her grades up to the A/B honor roll. We enjoyed her recitals and her swim meets (although they were very long). This year, she's decided that she wants to join the company team at the dance studio (the team who practices 5 nights a week and some weekends), she tried out for flag corps and made it (which means she's given up her last 2 weeks of summer to attend band camp, and every Friday night will be spent at a football game, not to mention the 3 times a week she will practice after school), she's planning to do the swim team thing again (which means practice every afternoon and giving up every Saturday completely to attend a swim meet), plus her classes will be much harder this year - she decided to do the advanced classes. That's too much for a 15 year old girl to take on. So me, being the mean, cruel, mom that I am, vetoed the company dance team. She will be allowed to take one dance class a week and that's it. Flag corps and swim team are in 2 different seasons, so they won't coincide with one another. And school work will always come first. Now, nevermind that her being involved in all of this crap means that I spend every waking moment in my freaking van with 4 other kids, picking up from practice, doing carpools, giving up my Friday nights to attend highschool football games and giving up my entire Saturdays to attend swim meets, but this shit is EXPENSIVE! Last year, swim team cost us $500 alone. Dance was $900. So far this year, flag corps has cost us another $500. The other kids can't do anything because she is so involved! We simply can't afford it. I know, we could tell her no, and we do to some of it. But we are trying to raise "well rounded" kids. What a bunch of crap!!!! I am so tired of the magazines, and self-help books telling us that our kids have to be so overbooked and involved! Shaunne, my oldest, pulls her eyelashes and eyebrows out because she gets so stressed. Morgan has an ulcer at 9. Jacob grinds his teeth so badly at night that he has to wear a mouth piece - and he's 8! And these are kids who I really try to control the stress for! I don't over book them! I try desperately not to stress them out! And they're stressed anyway!
Children nowadays seem to constantly need to be entertained. They have no imagination. I can remember being a kid, leaving the house as soon as it was daylight, and not coming home until the street lights came on. But, then again, all of my friends were doing the same thing. We had each other to lean on and to play with. We entertained each other. Because all of the other kids in the neighborhood are off doing whatever it is that their parents have enrolled them in, my kids need me to entertain them. They absolutely can not entertain each other. Morgan is 9, Jake is 8 and Mark is 6. There should be something that the 3 of them have in common, but there isn't. They would much rather go to a neighbor's house then to stay here with each other. Right now, as I write this, they are upstairs fighting with one another. It's not 10am yet. That's the rule at this house. No one goes anywhere before 10 am. But, as soon as the clock strikes 10, Morgan will go to Elizabeth's, Jake will go to Cameron's, and Mark will go to Mitch's. And at Elizabeth's, Morgan will be entertained by Elizabeth's mom - she will take them somewhere, will do something. At Cameron's, it is the same, Jake will be entertained. And at Mitch's, Mark is treated like a king! Mitch is an only child, and Mark is his "best friend." Don't get me wrong, I do my part. We do crafts some days. I swim with them in the pool. We read together. But, I don't let them turn on the T.V. I don't let them play the x-box or the play station. I make them "do" stuff.
I guess the point of my rambling this morning is that we are kidding ourselves if we think we are raising well rounded children by allowing them to be so involved. All we've managed to do is raise a bunch of self-absorbed, overstressed, brats who expect you to hand them the world. I want my kids to be able to work for what they get (and they do, sometimes). I want them to understand that if you get something, it's a priviledge, not a right. I want them to understand that they need to appreciate the things we do for them. I know they won't. Not until they are parents and are raising a bunch of ingrates themselves.
School starts in a few weeks. Already, I've been bombarded with the "can I play..." questions. My oldest is going to be a sophomore this year, so we've let her "build her college application" by being involved. But there is such a thing as being TOO involved. Last year, she took dance 3 nights a week and was on the swim team. She kept her grades up to the A/B honor roll. We enjoyed her recitals and her swim meets (although they were very long). This year, she's decided that she wants to join the company team at the dance studio (the team who practices 5 nights a week and some weekends), she tried out for flag corps and made it (which means she's given up her last 2 weeks of summer to attend band camp, and every Friday night will be spent at a football game, not to mention the 3 times a week she will practice after school), she's planning to do the swim team thing again (which means practice every afternoon and giving up every Saturday completely to attend a swim meet), plus her classes will be much harder this year - she decided to do the advanced classes. That's too much for a 15 year old girl to take on. So me, being the mean, cruel, mom that I am, vetoed the company dance team. She will be allowed to take one dance class a week and that's it. Flag corps and swim team are in 2 different seasons, so they won't coincide with one another. And school work will always come first. Now, nevermind that her being involved in all of this crap means that I spend every waking moment in my freaking van with 4 other kids, picking up from practice, doing carpools, giving up my Friday nights to attend highschool football games and giving up my entire Saturdays to attend swim meets, but this shit is EXPENSIVE! Last year, swim team cost us $500 alone. Dance was $900. So far this year, flag corps has cost us another $500. The other kids can't do anything because she is so involved! We simply can't afford it. I know, we could tell her no, and we do to some of it. But we are trying to raise "well rounded" kids. What a bunch of crap!!!! I am so tired of the magazines, and self-help books telling us that our kids have to be so overbooked and involved! Shaunne, my oldest, pulls her eyelashes and eyebrows out because she gets so stressed. Morgan has an ulcer at 9. Jacob grinds his teeth so badly at night that he has to wear a mouth piece - and he's 8! And these are kids who I really try to control the stress for! I don't over book them! I try desperately not to stress them out! And they're stressed anyway!
Children nowadays seem to constantly need to be entertained. They have no imagination. I can remember being a kid, leaving the house as soon as it was daylight, and not coming home until the street lights came on. But, then again, all of my friends were doing the same thing. We had each other to lean on and to play with. We entertained each other. Because all of the other kids in the neighborhood are off doing whatever it is that their parents have enrolled them in, my kids need me to entertain them. They absolutely can not entertain each other. Morgan is 9, Jake is 8 and Mark is 6. There should be something that the 3 of them have in common, but there isn't. They would much rather go to a neighbor's house then to stay here with each other. Right now, as I write this, they are upstairs fighting with one another. It's not 10am yet. That's the rule at this house. No one goes anywhere before 10 am. But, as soon as the clock strikes 10, Morgan will go to Elizabeth's, Jake will go to Cameron's, and Mark will go to Mitch's. And at Elizabeth's, Morgan will be entertained by Elizabeth's mom - she will take them somewhere, will do something. At Cameron's, it is the same, Jake will be entertained. And at Mitch's, Mark is treated like a king! Mitch is an only child, and Mark is his "best friend." Don't get me wrong, I do my part. We do crafts some days. I swim with them in the pool. We read together. But, I don't let them turn on the T.V. I don't let them play the x-box or the play station. I make them "do" stuff.
I guess the point of my rambling this morning is that we are kidding ourselves if we think we are raising well rounded children by allowing them to be so involved. All we've managed to do is raise a bunch of self-absorbed, overstressed, brats who expect you to hand them the world. I want my kids to be able to work for what they get (and they do, sometimes). I want them to understand that if you get something, it's a priviledge, not a right. I want them to understand that they need to appreciate the things we do for them. I know they won't. Not until they are parents and are raising a bunch of ingrates themselves.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Laundry Ramblings
Laundry. It is a never-ending job in this house. But for the life of me, I can not comprehend how my children go through it so quickly.
Monday is laundry day in our house. On Sunday night, each kid brings their hamper downstairs and empties it into the laundry room. I then sort it all out, and start washing. Each one of them has a washtub-type bucket in the laundry room with their name on it. As I take things out of the dryer and fold them, I put them into the owner's basket. This gets emptied by each child on Sunday night. So, common sense would tell you that each child should have at least 7 outfits per week to put away, right? Wrong.
Shaunne, the oldest, only brings her hamper down when she feels like it. This is her 14 year old way of rebelling, I guess. But, it keeps backfiring on her because if it's not in the laundry on Monday, it doesn't get washed. So, some weeks she has nothing to put away, other weeks she has mountains to put away. Pretty self explanatory as to why this happens.
Morgan, the 9 year old, will some weeks have only 2 or 3 pairs of shorts and a couple of shirts in her laundry, but other weeks has the exact right number. But EVERY week, and I mean every week, she has at least 10 to 12 nightshirts in the laundry. Does she wear 2 some nights? Who the hell knows. Sometimes she has all of her socks, sometimes she doesn't. Where do they go? And how do they end up in the laundry weeks later? And why is it that every single shirt that she puts in the laundry has to be pre-treated and soaked for days before it can be washed? How does she end up so much dirtier than the boys do? And what the hell IS that purple stuff on her orange shirt?
Jacob, the 8 year old, does everything with military precision. So every week, and I mean every single week, he has 7 pairs of shorts, 7 shirts, 7 pairs of underwear, 7 pairs of socks (except for when he wears sandals), and 7 sets of pj's. Every week. It never varies. And it's usually the same 7 from the week before. If his shorts don't fall below his knees, it's a crime in his eyes, and he absolutely will NOT wear them, so I get the same 7 every week. Since he wears the same 7 pairs of shorts, he wears the same shirts with them; if they matched last week, they'll match this week. End of story.
Mark, the 6 year old, well I simply can not fathom how he does this: Every week his pile is so high that it falls over and has to be started in a second pile before he puts them away on Sunday. It's usually so many clothes that he has to make 2 or 3 trips between the laundry room and upstairs. You would think that he could figure out that if he wouldn't wear so many clothes all week, then he wouldn't have to put so many away. I guess 6 year old brains can't comprehend that. He also has a hard time understanding, that the reason I know that he didn't actually wear something of his that I find in the laundry, is that when I take it out of his hamper, it is still folded from the week before. Ok, so he's not my brightest child. Apparently, 6 year old brains do not comprehend laundry at all.
Emily? Well, her laundry is still my fault at this point.... and my problem. I put them on her, I wash them, I put them away. Can't wait to see her laundry habits when she's older.
Now, my husband swears that he wears the same pair of shorts every day for 3 or 4 days in a row. Amazing. His shorts are apparently multiplying in the hamper, because our hamper gets emptied every Sunday too, and I wash at least 6 to 8 pairs for him every week. And underwear? How does one man wear 20 pairs of underwear a week? How is that humanly possible? Unless he's changing them every hour or so... I simply can't comprehend it.
So here are a few other things I've noticed about laundry:
1. The same exact stain (dirt, grass, coffee, spaghetti, whatever) you got out last week, won't come out the next week the same way. You will have to get creative.
2. Never throw out those socks that don't have a match. Somehow the match shows up weeks later and you can return them to their rightful owner (I keep a walmart bag full of mismatched socks in the laundry room - I can always find matches in there later).
3. If you have this many kids, make sure there is a way to tell their white socks apart. Kids get pissy when they end up with their brother's and sister's socks - especially when they have to get up early and go somewhere. ( I eliminated this problem... I buy Hanes - Shaunne's have a light blue Hanes on the toes, Morgan's has purple, Jake's has green, and Mark's has red. There. Problem solved.)
4. Husbands don't like to have to go to the laundry room to find clean clothes. Put them away for him. He thinks the laundry fairy just makes clean shit appear in his drawers.
5. No matter how good of a job you do checking pockets, you are inevitably going to wash a red crayon, a blue gel pen, a chapstick, a love letter, rocks, or somebody's money.
6. Moms can make a pretty good living out of the money they find in the bottom of the washer. I follow the "don't ask, don't tell" rule.
7. No matter how hard you try, the oil stains from chapstick do not wash out.
8. Rocks make a lot of noise in a dryer.
9. When you leave wet clothes in a plastic bag in your closet for a month, they will get moldy. Go figure. (We found this out when the oldest one left her swim team clothes in the closet after the last practice for a very long time).
10. Mold NEVER washes out. It is forever.
Monday is laundry day in our house. On Sunday night, each kid brings their hamper downstairs and empties it into the laundry room. I then sort it all out, and start washing. Each one of them has a washtub-type bucket in the laundry room with their name on it. As I take things out of the dryer and fold them, I put them into the owner's basket. This gets emptied by each child on Sunday night. So, common sense would tell you that each child should have at least 7 outfits per week to put away, right? Wrong.
Shaunne, the oldest, only brings her hamper down when she feels like it. This is her 14 year old way of rebelling, I guess. But, it keeps backfiring on her because if it's not in the laundry on Monday, it doesn't get washed. So, some weeks she has nothing to put away, other weeks she has mountains to put away. Pretty self explanatory as to why this happens.
Morgan, the 9 year old, will some weeks have only 2 or 3 pairs of shorts and a couple of shirts in her laundry, but other weeks has the exact right number. But EVERY week, and I mean every week, she has at least 10 to 12 nightshirts in the laundry. Does she wear 2 some nights? Who the hell knows. Sometimes she has all of her socks, sometimes she doesn't. Where do they go? And how do they end up in the laundry weeks later? And why is it that every single shirt that she puts in the laundry has to be pre-treated and soaked for days before it can be washed? How does she end up so much dirtier than the boys do? And what the hell IS that purple stuff on her orange shirt?
Jacob, the 8 year old, does everything with military precision. So every week, and I mean every single week, he has 7 pairs of shorts, 7 shirts, 7 pairs of underwear, 7 pairs of socks (except for when he wears sandals), and 7 sets of pj's. Every week. It never varies. And it's usually the same 7 from the week before. If his shorts don't fall below his knees, it's a crime in his eyes, and he absolutely will NOT wear them, so I get the same 7 every week. Since he wears the same 7 pairs of shorts, he wears the same shirts with them; if they matched last week, they'll match this week. End of story.
Mark, the 6 year old, well I simply can not fathom how he does this: Every week his pile is so high that it falls over and has to be started in a second pile before he puts them away on Sunday. It's usually so many clothes that he has to make 2 or 3 trips between the laundry room and upstairs. You would think that he could figure out that if he wouldn't wear so many clothes all week, then he wouldn't have to put so many away. I guess 6 year old brains can't comprehend that. He also has a hard time understanding, that the reason I know that he didn't actually wear something of his that I find in the laundry, is that when I take it out of his hamper, it is still folded from the week before. Ok, so he's not my brightest child. Apparently, 6 year old brains do not comprehend laundry at all.
Emily? Well, her laundry is still my fault at this point.... and my problem. I put them on her, I wash them, I put them away. Can't wait to see her laundry habits when she's older.
Now, my husband swears that he wears the same pair of shorts every day for 3 or 4 days in a row. Amazing. His shorts are apparently multiplying in the hamper, because our hamper gets emptied every Sunday too, and I wash at least 6 to 8 pairs for him every week. And underwear? How does one man wear 20 pairs of underwear a week? How is that humanly possible? Unless he's changing them every hour or so... I simply can't comprehend it.
So here are a few other things I've noticed about laundry:
1. The same exact stain (dirt, grass, coffee, spaghetti, whatever) you got out last week, won't come out the next week the same way. You will have to get creative.
2. Never throw out those socks that don't have a match. Somehow the match shows up weeks later and you can return them to their rightful owner (I keep a walmart bag full of mismatched socks in the laundry room - I can always find matches in there later).
3. If you have this many kids, make sure there is a way to tell their white socks apart. Kids get pissy when they end up with their brother's and sister's socks - especially when they have to get up early and go somewhere. ( I eliminated this problem... I buy Hanes - Shaunne's have a light blue Hanes on the toes, Morgan's has purple, Jake's has green, and Mark's has red. There. Problem solved.)
4. Husbands don't like to have to go to the laundry room to find clean clothes. Put them away for him. He thinks the laundry fairy just makes clean shit appear in his drawers.
5. No matter how good of a job you do checking pockets, you are inevitably going to wash a red crayon, a blue gel pen, a chapstick, a love letter, rocks, or somebody's money.
6. Moms can make a pretty good living out of the money they find in the bottom of the washer. I follow the "don't ask, don't tell" rule.
7. No matter how hard you try, the oil stains from chapstick do not wash out.
8. Rocks make a lot of noise in a dryer.
9. When you leave wet clothes in a plastic bag in your closet for a month, they will get moldy. Go figure. (We found this out when the oldest one left her swim team clothes in the closet after the last practice for a very long time).
10. Mold NEVER washes out. It is forever.
